An incomplete list of things Twitter was

From writer Helena Fitzgerald’s great newsletter Griefbacon (which is the literal translation of a German term meaning “the weight you gain after overeating for emotional reasons”). I’ve only extracted the list here, but you should click through and read all the descriptions as well:

“I hated Twitter because of course I hated Twitter; if you didn’t hate Twitter, you weren’t there. Hating it was the only way to live in it; that was word for love in its language. I hated Twitter, and I still hate Twitter, and an alarming percentage of everything I love or am proud of derives from the time I wasted on that stupid website, complaining about how the website is garbage. Here are some final ways I would describe Twitter.

• A group of drunk girls in the bathroom
• Times Square
• What people who didn’t have friends in middle school think having friends in middle school was like.
• A Denny’s at 2am in a town with a vibrant (derogatory) local theater scene.
• The Titanic but everybody wants to talk about Joan Didion.
• The Titanic but everybody wants to tell you why they don’t count as rich.
• The JFK assassination episode of Mad Men.
• The longest-form Jenny Holzer installation ever.
• Listening to two people have an argument on the street directly underneath your window
• Adderall.
• Sitting at the kids’ table at Thanksgiving when you are supposed to be sitting at the adults’ table.
• Sitting at the adults’ table at Thanksgiving when honestly you should still be sitting at the kids’ table.
• Going into the downstairs bathroom at the home of a relative you actually don’t know very well on Thanksgiving and hiding out there while everybody argues
• The fever dream of a high school freshman who has the flu but has come to school anyway and has fallen asleep in the middle of class.
• The depiction of Hell in noted prestige television series Adventure Time.
• Trying to leave a party where the vibe has soured
• The mythical city of Babel”